Originally I was in love with a lovely lady and had no interest in men but without my mother’s approval and being thirteen years old. She forced us to break up and threaten to ship me away to China to be “fixed”. I forced myself to like guys. We meet through a mutual friend. She was my best friend. His name was Kyle, senior in high school. Originally he asked out almost ten girls before me. Then he asked me out even though we had just met, it was my sophomore year of high school. It was happy and exciting to watch movies together and actually being in a relationship my mother sort of approved. Things started to turn bitter. Right from the start an argument started with my best friend. He made me choose right then and there. To stop being friends with my best friend, so he would stay with me. The other choice was to keep being friends with her and he would leave me. It was only month into our relationship. I was foolish and never realize how important friendships are compare to relationships. I picked him. I still regret to this day. I only had twenty friends, he dislike half of them. He only allowed me to hang out with ten of my friends, soon ten turn into six. He was very insecure about everything. For example he needed to know where I was, who was with me and called every single time to make sure I was with that person. Worse of all, he would check my text messages and even Facebook messages. But I could never know who he was with or where he was, let alone look at his phone. I started changing myself to please him.
Nothing was ever the same my style, hair and clothes. Soon my friends started disappearing so I just hanged out with his friends. They weren’t the best group either, ex drug dealer, ravers, street racers and just plain assholes that cheated on their girlfriends. Our “dates” turn into friend gatherings. I ended up paying for all the dinners over three years of our relationship, even though I barely had money myself. He has a full time job at the movie theater, but he would spend all his money on car parts. Within the five years of us dating. He ran through seven cars, one out of the cars I bought for him. It was supposed to be mine when I got my drivers licensed. But he crashed it and then waited till we broke up to fix it and then sale it for double amount of money. No reimbursement to me of course. I even bail his friend out of jail because his money was being eaten by his street cars. I would enjoy being away from him; I had no one to talk too. I would distract myself with online games. It felt like he used and abused me. Not really physically but mentally. I would look in the mirror, I couldn’t even recognize myself. I hated what I saw in the mirror. It was all physical intimacy; all he could think about is sex. Where ever he could stick it, he would. Even if I didn’t like it or I was sore. I didn’t have a voice, it was all about him. It came to the point where I had depression. I was drawn to cutting myself and attempting to commit suicide with a butcher knife or drowning. By this time, I just graduated high school then went to beauty school.
Luckily for me, I had some support from someone on the internet. His name is Alex, it was strange. He made me feel safe but he was in Texas. He didn’t laugh at my problems like Kyle did. He would stay up with me till five am just talking about everything. He made me feel beautiful in all the right ways, Kyle could never do for me. It was never meant to cheat on Kyle; he was my support to keep my sanity. When he found out I was talking to someone else. He freaked out and threat to hunt Alex down. But Alex and I didn’t do anything; we just talked about our problems. It came to the point where I no longer wanted to even hug Kyle. It made me mad to even see his face, everything just collapse on me. All the abuse just got to me. I wanted an escape and I wanted my friends back. My family hated how he treated me on top of that. I finally had enough courage to tell him, “we are done; I’m breaking up with you” thinking it would get better for me, sadly it didn’t. The night of the break up I wanted to walk home. But he drags me on the floor of the parking lot and begged me to stay. I screamed at him no and leave me alone. So he speeded off and I was sitting alone in the parking lot with bruises and cuts on my arm. My mother came to pick me up and I just wanted to be alone. The next day, I had work. He showed up at my work place screaming at me. I was so scared, I left work early and I tried to go home. Even at home I was trying to clear my mind and talk to Alex. He would show up outside my house screaming my name. I had such fear in my eyes; I didn’t want to leave the house. He was speeding around my house. I just wanted him to leave. It was so bad he showed up frequently at my house. He left me thirty calls a day, three creepy voice mails and sixty texts a day. It came to the point where he stalked me going home, his friends would call me a whore from the car and throw stuff at me. It was impossible to go to work because he was waiting for me there. The only place safe was school where I could clear my mind.
But I was wrong; no one told me how frequently he would call my school looking for me. I remember I was working on a complex perm; I was so excited I finished it. My classmates told me to turn around. I slowly did and saw his face near the door. I freaked out and drop to the floor crying the school went into a panic. The head of our department showed up and scream at him to leave. I was crawling on the floor shaking trying to escape to the office, some place safe. I was sitting in the office shaking and crying. I was scared of everything. My phone went off hundred times that day. The police officers came; there was a female officer who spoke to me. To help myself out of this situation, I got a Temporary restraining order known as a TRO. The male officer joked he will beat my ex up. I was left with the decision if I wanted to put a TRO on him. I called up Alex and asked him what I should do. He said to go for it, he deserves it. So I went through with it, a long process and a lot of paper work. Apparently the day they were supposed to serve him the paper work but he ran. Someone in the government system called his mom and told her about the TRO. Through all of this time I was mentally broken and scared. I couldn’t look outside windows, walk alone or even function at school. I had nightmares every night of Kyle raping me or choking me. I attempted to kill myself by drowning or cutting myself. It didn’t help; I had to go through weekly therapy sessions. Just to keep my depression under control, I soon developed anorexia. I weight almost a hundred pounds. I saw my rib cage. I had to take extra precautions with everything. I could never be alone, especially walking home. I had a group of support at school and with the few friends I had left. My mother almost relocated me, but I wanted to stay at home. Luckily with therapy I found out about the domestic violence program. Through the program they provided me with a teen advocate and lawyer. They help me through all the steps especially in court. I had a wonderful lawyer on my side, but he had a lawyer that kept rescheduling dates and lying to the judge. It lasted for a year of court, each time I stressed out and cried in front of the judge. I didn’t want to be there, just that small amount of hopes help you though court and stressful times. In the end we won, the advocates and lawyers are amazing. I wouldn’t have won without them. Even though it was a difficult situation, wounds and scars make you stronger in the end.